Obsessive Compulsive Disorder...My first Visit to Therapist.

Yes that's right, I have OCD. It's basically, in my case anyways, a psychiatric disorder most commonly characterized by having obsessive, and intrusive thoughts and related compulsions (tasks or rituals) which attempt to neutralize the obsessions. In my case, my brain won't trust what my eyes see and my rituals are checking (sometimes checking 10x) everything I do.

Now, I'm not making fun of people with OCD, just of myself lol.

About a year ago, I had my first appointment with my OCD therapist, we'll call her Dess. I remember when the therapist, Dess, first called me to set up that first appoitment, I said to myself "Wow does she ever have a seductive and authoratative voice!!!". We set up the appointment and I booked the day off from work.

The night before the appointment was a killer. I was a little anxious about the appointment which amplified my checking rituals. It was time for bed, so I had to go through my bedtime checking routine.

Television off, stare at it, still of, stare at it, still off...Computer off, light is dark on tower, light is still off on tower, still off, DARN LUCIFER (my cat) just walked in front of the tower so I have to start over...Computer off, light is dark on tower, light is still off on tower,still off...Oven knobs (5 off them GRRRR) Off-Off-Off-Off-Off left to right, Off-Off-Off-Off-Off right to left, 2 more Xs, MEEEOOOWWWWWWWWWW!!!!..Oh sorry Chucky (my other cat), I didn't see your tail COOCHEECOOCHEECOOO poor baby boy...DOH, gotta start the oven check all over!!!Off-Off-Off-Off-Off left to right, Off-Off-Off-Off-Off right to left, 2 more Xs, still off....Lights, front door, back door, you get the picture...

Alarm clock, now this is special...anyone with a clock radio alarm will understand...OK it's 11 o'clock with the dot, meaning that at midnight there won't be a dot, the alarm is set for 7 am without the dot, "push" the alarm is on...it's 11 o'clock with the dot, meaning that at midnight there won't be a dot, the alarm is set for 7 am without the dot, "push" the alarm is on...it's 11 o'cl DOHHH!!! the time changed to 11:01!!! It's 11:01 with the dot, meaning...I have to do all this within a minute or I have to start over again...phew, 11:09 and done, a pretty good night this time.

Well, it's appointment day with Dess, my therapist. Where's BigM??? There you are BigM, you're coming for another trip buddy... I promise this visit won't be as traumatic as the last one ok? Out we go, lock the door, turn the knob and push, it's locked, turn and push, turn and push, turn and push...Oh hello officer, what can I do for you? "I've been watching you for the last 20 minutes trying to break into this house, I'm afraid you'll have to come with me sir"...no officer, I live here, I'm just checking to make sure it's locked before I go, 20 minutes hey? not so bad...."Can I see some identification please, maybe your drivers license?" Sorry officer I don't drive but here's my buspass with picture..."how about a passport?" sorry officer, I don't fly...ever since 911 and also the fact that I realized that planes aren't suspended in the air by huge chains...tell you what officer, I'll open the door with this key, shouldn't that prove that I live here?After 20 minutes of the officer questionning me on what items were in each kitchen cupboard, he let me go.

The bus ride wasn't very amusing for BigM and I...people were staring at us the whole trip, probably because they thought it was strange to see a big bald guy holding hands with a little fury monkey whose 2 fingers are taped to one hand while a plastic banana is taped to the other. BigM had his face pushed against my side cause he hates being stared at.

While in the waiting room outside Dess's (my therapist) office, she came in and asked me to fill out this questionnaire to evaluate my degree of OCD..."it'll only take 5 minutes at most" she said. "Oh I see you brought a friend?" Hmm, why does that sound familiar?...Oh this is my friend BigM, he calms me down in situations of anxiety. I was taken aback by this lovely, 5'9" 138pd muscular woman with the seductive but authoratative voice, and reluctantly agreed to fill out the questionnaire...now why would you give a 4 page questionnaire to a person with OCD, especially me with my checking rituals???

Multiple choice questionnaire GREAT!!!
First question: Do you find yourself checking things more than once?
a) never b) sometimes c) often d) all the time...my answer is d!!!
Now I have to re-read the question and make sure that I chose an answer, chose the right answer and didn't misunderstand the question...ok 39 more questions to go!!! Dess comes back with a book in hand called "How to avoid stalkers in poker rooms"..."5 minutes is up, are you ready?" Umm, I'm at question 7...sorry...BigM covers his eyes with his taped-up hand, I guess he's embarrassed for me..."Oh ok, I'll come back in 5 minutes, but you don't have to make sure of all your answers OK?"...OK Dess...5 minutes later, "ready?" Umm I'm at question 20, I'm going a little faster right?..."OK mister Whissell, 5 more minutes OK?" Oh-Oh, there's that authoratative voice coming out Sighhhh!!!! BigM is hiding under my chair sensing friction...There, done after 15 minutes...Dess grabs the questionnaire out of my hands before I have a chance to re-check the answers again.

I grab BigM, who is now hiding in the coat rack, with his banana sticking out of one of the coat sleeves, and follow Dess to her office. It's a nice office...on her desk are a picture of I think is a dog, but looks more like a giant brown dinosaur or something, at the bottom it says "I love you Owen"...and another picture of some sexy bald guy flexing his muscles and wearing a silly Canada hat...at the bottom it says "What a Man!!!"

So here we are, Cocopoutine, BigM and Dess sitting in a therapists office...for some reason, I feel like the three of us have a connection somehow. "Hello, my name is Dess and I'm your therapist. We'll be working on your OCD together. Let's go over your questionnaire. Hmmmm, out of 40 questions, you've scratched out and re-answered 36 of them...the questionnaire is full of scratchings and circles over different answers!!!" Maybe you should have given me a pencil and eraser instead of the pen...sorry Dess.

The rest of the session was Dess asking me the questions over and her filling in my answers. It wasn't a great first impression with my therapist but we continued the work. I'll keep you posted on the improvements.